Night Before

Well it has been a horrible weekend with food....like really horrible.  It was not a good.  I have not even stepped on a scale for quite some time but I am guess I am the heaviest that I have ever been.  It is TIME.  IT IS TIME.  I have not been breathing well and not feel well overall.  It all comes back to food.  I don't know how to fix the psychological aspect of my issues...I am not sure what they even are.  I am hoping to figure it out along this journey.  So many issues.  Where to even start.
One day at a time. 

I am going to attempt the every other day diet.  Eat a semi normal day of 1200 to 1500 calories and the next day, eat 500 or less calories. 

Monday, February 26, I plan on eating 1 carrot, 2 Tbsp hummus, 1 cup blueberries. 
Carrot: 100 calories
Hummus:
Blueberries: 90 calories

I want to do this.  I need to do this. I want to feel better.  I want to look better.

Here is my cry for help.  I don't want to feel the way I feel right now.  I don't want to look the way I look right now. 

Here is my plea to myself.
IT WILL BE SLOW.
IT WILL BE HARD.
YOU CAN DO IT!

IT WILL BE WORTH IT.
HEALTHY IS HAPPY.

Pre day one

Weight has been an issue for me for longer than I care to admit.  It impacts my life more than I wish to admit.  But it is time to admit it.  It affects my marriage.  It affects my ability to be a mother.  It affects my interest in life around me.  It affects the way I live. 

I feel currently out of control, and I like control.  I don't know how I let myself get to where I am and I don't know how to stop it.  I am leaving for Disneyland in three days for my mom's 60th birthday and I am less excited than I should be because I feel so uncomfortable with myself, yet I don't have control over it.  This blog is my attempt to gain control. This is my attempt to gain control over my feelings and my relationship with food.  I don't know where to go so I am here.  Here is where I plan to change my life. 

I have ready a dozen books at least on food and diets and a healthier lifestyle.  I feel I have a lot of tools and have made some good changes but I just am not feeling well at all right now.  It is time....I am giving myself a bit to get my mind wrapped around my life and to get my Disneyland trip done and then I am on it. 

I have made some healthier changes in my home.  We are significantly reducing sugar consumption, as well as, simple grains.  We are incorporating more whole grain foods which has been a transition but easier for me than for some.  I think I need to reduce overall carbs/grains to feel better.  We are eating more fruits and really need to get more veggies. 

I want to feel good for my family.  I want to be a good example.  I want to feel good about myself and feel worthy about who I am.  Becoming healthier overall will help me to do this.